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What's The Difference? Q: what's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

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Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
A: Sexual harassment.

Q: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
A: $3.99 a minute.

Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead?
A: The sex is the same but you get the remote.

Q: What's the difference between Pee-wee Herman and O.J.?
A: It took 12 jerks to get O.J. off.

Q: Why did cavemen pull their women around by the hair?
A: Because if they pulled them around by their feet, they'd fill up with mud.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A: The swallow.

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: What's the difference between a paycheck and your dick?
A: You don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.

Q: What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down?
A: Marriage.

Q: What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for?
A: It's Braille for "suck here."

Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, what have you done wrong?
A: Made her chain too long.

Q: How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

Q: Why is a hurricane like a women?
A: It starts with a great blow, but when it's over your house and car are gone.

Q:What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q: Why are men and parking spaces alike?
A: Because all the good ones are gone and the only ones left are disabled.

Q: Why are men like public toilets?
A: Because all the good ones are engaged and the only ones left are full of crap.

Q: What have men and floor tiles got in common?
A: If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life

Q: How can you tell if a man is happy?
A: Who cares?

Q: What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
A: One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.

Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.

Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: 1. No mind. 2. No business.

Q: Did you hear about the banker who's a great lover?
A: He knows firsthand the penalty for early withdrawal.

Q: Why are men like laxatives?
A: They irritate the shit out of you.

Q: Why do men name their penises?
A: Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who makes all their decisions.

Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.

Q: Why do men like masturbation?
A: Its sex with someone they love.

Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A: The porcupine has pricks on the outside

Q: What is a man's view of safe sex?
A: A padded headboard.

Q: How do men sort their laundry?
A: "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".

Q: Why did God create man?
A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A: So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

Q: Why do men love computers?
A: No matter what mood they're in, they can still get a floppy in.

Q: What's the difference between a woman and a computer?
A: A woman would never accept a 3 1/2 inch floppy!! ...and a computer can 't turn a 3.5" floppy into a hard drive in a matter of seconds.

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jenny   12/25/2011 10:47:50 PM
luv them all

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