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Funny Christmas Quotes A few selected amusing quotes about Christmas

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.
-Joan Rivers

From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.
-Katharine Whitehorn

You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.
-Robert Paul

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
-Bernard Manning

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   Funny Christmas Quotes

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.
-Shirley Temple

Even before Christmas has said Hello, it's saying 'Buy Buy'
-Robert Paul

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
- Phyllis Diller

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
-Jay Leno

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
-Johnny Carson

The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
-Johnny Carson

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.
-Larry Wilde

Don't expect too much of Christmas Day. You can't crowd into it any arrears of unselfishness and kindliness that may have accrued during the past twelve months.
-Oren Arnold

Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home.
-Carol Nelson

He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.
-Roy L. Smith

People can't concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December.
-Ogden Nash

Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.
-Richard Lamm




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