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Legal Jokes

Let's face it - legal people and especially lawyers take themselves far too seriously and the law is itself is damn funny if you look at it through the right lens. Here is collection of hilarious legal jokes, courtroom snips and funny one liners, good for a loud giggle being just plain stupid and really dumb. Search articles about Legal

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A Nice Lawyer joke A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast.

The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, 'If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?'

The lawyer answers, 'Absolutely.'

'Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today.'

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50 (you know they don't carry cash).

Several days later, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: It was a bill for $100 for a consultation!

Answer A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor. "Which side is it best to lie on?" she asked.

"The side that pays your fee, " replied the doctor.

Jury Selection As a court clerk, I am well-versed in the jury-selection process... First a computer randomly selects a few hundred citizens from the entire county to report for jury duty on a particular day... Then another computer assigns 40 of those present to a courtroom... Then the 40 names are placed in a drum, and a dozen names are pulled out.

During jury selection for one trial, the judge asked potential Juror No. 1 if there was any reason he could not be a fair and impartial juror.

"There may be," he replied. "Juror No. 12 is my ex-wife, and if we were on the same jury, I guarantee we would not be able to agree on anything."

Both were excused.

Funeral A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man.

He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?"

A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients."

"And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching."

"No, we came to make sure he was dead."

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