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funny Assorted jokes

A man was staying in a big old house and in the middle of the night he.....

A butler came running into his important master's office. "Sir, sir, t.....

"Do you think I shall live until I'm ninety, doctor?"
"How old are.....

The possessor of the forty-dollar suit took hold of one of the coat sl.....

"Did you hear about the awful trouble that has befallen Mrs. Talkalot?.....

"What are you doing, Marjory?"
"I'se writing a letter to Lily Smif......

An astronomer was entertaining a Scotch friend. He showed his visitor.....

Wishing to give his Scotch steward a treat a man invited him to London.....

"Ethel," said the bishop, "you seem to be a bright little girl; can yo.....

The City Nephew: "I'm glad to see Aunt Hetty dresses her hair sensibly.....

"That you, dearie? I'm detained at the office on very important busine.....

"It appears to be your record, Mary," said the magistrate, "that you h.....

"James, have you whispered to-day without permission?"
"Only wunst......

"You say you doted on your last mistress?"
"Yes, mum. I certainly d.....

"Vell, Ikey, my poy," said Sol to his son, "I've made my vill and left.....

A boy and his mother were taking in the circus. Looking at the hippopo.....

An attorney of Los Angeles advertised for a chauffeur. Some twenty-odd.....

A popular Oklahoma City salesman recently married, and was accompanied.....

Tramp: "Would you please 'elp a pore man whose wife is out o' work?"

Lady (in box): "Can you look over my shoulders?"
Sailor: "I've just.....

She: "What do you mean by kissing me? What do you mean?"
He: "Er—er.....

"It was a case of love at first sight when I met Jack."
"Then why d.....

Jazz: "My girl told me she weighed 120 the other night."
Beau: "Str.....

"I would like to have a globe of the earth."
"What size, madam?"

"Mary," said the mistress, "did you ask every one for cards to-day, as.....

"Yes," said the old man to his visitor, "I am proud of my girls and wo.....

During a conversation between an Irishman and a Jew, the Irishman aske.....

The Client: "I bought and paid for two dozen glass decanters that were.....

Irate Golfer: "You must take your children away from here, madam; this.....

The tourist from the East had stopped to change tires in a desolate re.....

First Sailor (searching vainly for his ship after a few hours' leave):.....

The newly-elected president of a banking institution was being introdu.....

A good story is told of a pawky old Scot, who like many others, finds.....

"And would you love me as much if father lost all his money?"
"Has.....

Two negroes were working in a coal-bin in a Mississippi town, one down.....

It was the usual domestic storm.
"Oh, dear! oh, dear!" moaned wifey.....

A small boy was playing with an iron hoop in the street, when suddenly.....

An English mother was visiting her son at college.
"Well, dear," sh.....

Muriel, aged four, was taken by her governess to have tea with an aunt.....

"Which weeds are the easiest to kill?" asked young Flickers of Farmer.....

Mr. and Mrs. Smith had been invited to a friend's for tea, and the tim.....

"Daughter," said the old man, sternly, "I positively forbid you marryi.....

He: Do you think your father would be willing to help me in the future.....

Minister: Would you care to join us in the new missionary movement?

He was one of the few remaining old-time darkies. He had finished the.....

What true friendship consists in depends on the temperament of the man.....

The MacTavish was not a mean man. No; he just knew the value of money......

A Londoner was telling funny stories to a party of commercial men.
.....

A man and his eldest son went to have their photographs taken together.....

One day a teacher was having a first-grade class in physiology. She as.....

Tommy: "What's an echo, pa?"
Pa: "An echo, my son, is the only thin.....

Uncle Tom arrived at the station with the goat he was to ship north, b.....

"I don't know whether I like these photos or not," said the young woma.....

During an exciting game of football a player had two fingers of his ri.....

"Darling," he asked, as he drew his fiancée closer to him, "am I the f.....

"Did your late employer give you a testimonial, Jack?"

"Yes, To.....

The maiden of, er—forty or so, was much upset.
Quoth she to a young.....

A tourist at an hotel in Ireland asked the girl who waited at the tabl.....

"Now, children," said the Sunday-school teacher, "I have told you the.....

"He hit me on de koko, yer honour."
"Your head?"

"Yes, yer h.....

"Are all flowers popular?" asked the teacher.
"No, ma'am," replied.....

A Chinaman entered a jeweller's in Liverpool and asked to be shown som.....

"Miss Smith—Belinda," sighed the young man, passionately, "there is so.....

A pompous Scottish laird met a farmer one morning, and observed: "Wel.....

Boss: What do you mean by such language? Are you the manager here or a.....

The Professor: A diamond is the hardest known substance, inasmuch as i.....

The Housewife: My goodness! I don't believe you've washed yourself for.....

"You don't mean to say it cost you $7000 to have your family tree look.....

"We will take as our text this morning," announced the absent-minded c.....

The two flappers at the Strand seemed barely in their 'teens, yet thei.....

The skipper was examining an ambitious gob who wanted to be a gunner's.....

This conversation was overheard in the corridor of the offices of a la.....

Farmer Brown was an old-fashioned farmer. He firmly believed in that q.....

"Rastus," said the judge sternly, "you're plain no-account and shiftle.....

O'Grady: "And why do you want to sell your nightshirt?"
Pat: "Shure.....

She had only been married a month, when her friend called to see how s.....

"Papa," said Little Horatio, "can you explain philosophy to me?"
"O.....

Prison Visitor: "Am I right in presuming that it was your passion for.....

They had had their usual altercation over the breakfast table, and hub.....

"Bobby," said the lady in the tramcar, severely, "why don't you get[Pg.....

"Goin' in that house over there?" said the first tramp.
"I tried th.....

Mrs. Newlywed: "Oh, Jack, you left the kitchen door open and the draug.....

"My good man, you had better take the trolley car home."
"Sh' no us.....

Young Harold was late for Sunday-school and the minister inquired the.....

"Do you know anything about palmistry, Herbert?" she asked.
"Oh, no.....

"Look here," began the youth, as he entered a butcher's shop, and disp.....

Coming to a river with which he was unfamiliar, a traveller asked a yo.....

Architect: "Have you any suggestions for the study, Mr. Quickrich?"

"Rather absent-minded, isn't he?"
"Extremely so. Why, the other nig.....

"Ma," exclaimed young Teddie, bursting into the house, "Mrs. Johnson s.....

"You tell me," said the judge, "that this is the person who knocked yo.....

"Yes," proudly announced the ex-captain, who is manager of a new seasi.....

Mrs. Murphy is very fat, and the other day, laden with parcels and pac.....

It was a very wet night, so Bill and his sweetheart decided to visit t.....

Mrs. Muggins: "It's raining, and Mrs. Goodsoul wants to go home, and I.....

"That fellow Jones is a hard-headed cuss," remarked Brown.
"That so.....

It was while on manœuvres in rural England, and a soldier was being tr.....

Irate Motorist: "Say, this darned car won't climb a hill! You said it.....

It was visiting day at the prison and the uplifters were on deck.
".....

A man, who is the father of a year-old youngster, met his pastor on Su.....

First Theatrical Manager: "Do you have any trouble with the girl who i.....

"Ever get any nice butter?" queried old Grumpy.
"Supply in every da.....

Angus, a mason, was slipping out of the yard to get a "refresher" duri.....

Mrs. Newlywed: "What does that inscription mean on that ring you gave.....

A parsimonious farmer notorious for the small rations he doled out to.....

Actor: "Are these poor relations of yours blood relations?"
Fulpurs.....

Sam, on board the transport, had just been issued his first pair of ho.....

The lady was waiting to buy a ticket at the picture show when a strang.....

A bright little newsie entered a business office and, approaching a gl.....

The long-suffering professor smothered his wrath and went down into th.....

During the period after the university examinations, when an unusually.....

"And did you say you preferred charges against this man?" asked the Ju.....

Sandy had been photographed, and as he was looking intently at his "pi.....

A merchant in a Wisconsin town who had a Swedish clerk sent him out to.....

Mr. Goodsole: "Well, what do you want?"
Benny the Bum: "I wanna kno.....

It was company field training. The captain saw a young soldier trying.....

He was a stout man, and his feet were big in proportion. He wore stout.....

Screen Actress: I have a certificate from my doctor saying that I cann.....

The new vicar was paying a visit amongst the patients in the local [Pg.....

Merchant: Look here, that safe you sold me last month you said was a b.....

"I can read my husband like a book."
"Then be careful to stick to y.....

A little boy, the youngest member of a large family, was taken to see.....

A negro was brought before a justice of the peace. He was suspected of.....

The bellboy of the Welcome Hotel has invented an ingenious system of c.....

Once, in a rush season, an office boy was kept working overtime for se.....

Young Woman (holding out hand): Will you please tell me how to pronoun.....

Officer (drilling recruits): Hey, you, in case of fire, what do you do.....

"Lend me ten, Tom."
"I think not."
"You won't?"
"I won't."

"You are a little goose!" remarked a young M.D. playfully to the girl.....

John Willie (pleadingly): "Why can't we be married right away, Elsie?".....

A Protestant Episcopal clergyman was walking down a city street wearin.....

There was a distinct air of chastened resignation about him, as he pen.....

"I know I'm old, but I'm crazy about you," stated Mr. Moneybags. "When.....

The Senator was back home, looking after his political fences, and ask.....

"Your wife looks stunning to-night. Her gown is a poem."

"What.....

A certain country vicar who used to distribute books to his parishione.....

Dobb: "What's that piece of cord tied around your finger for?"
Both.....

Wifey: "Henry, do you think me an angel?"
Hubby: "Why, certainly, m.....

He was a Scot, with the usual characteristics of his race. Wishing to.....

The sweet young thing was being shown through the boiler shop.
"Wha.....

"Huh! Yuh talks 'bout sassiety like yuh knows so much 'bout it. Niggah.....

"I'd like to see the man who could persuade me to promise to love, hon.....

Sister: "Hubby received an anonymous letter this morning informing him.....

Mr. Graham: "Do you know, Miss F., if I had my way, I'd put every woma.....

A Scotchman had been presented with a pint flask of rare old Scotch wh.....

Prospective Employer: I suppose you have some experience of live stock.....

Doctor: "You are a great deal better this morning, I see. You followed.....

A candidate for Congress from a certain Western state was never shy ab.....

A wealthy gentleman has a brother who is hard of hearing, while he him.....

The druggist danced and chortled till the bottles danced on the shelve.....

Nurse: "You were very naughty in church, Guy. Do you know where little.....

A tramp entered a baker's, shivering piteously.
"A loaf, please, mu.....

"If a man has a beautiful stenographer, do you suppose that will cause.....

"Is this stuff guaranteed to make a rabbit slap a bulldog in the face?.....

"What this country needs is more production."
"What this country ne.....

Professor (endeavoring to impress on class the definition of cynic): Y.....

She: Jack is in love with you.
Her: Nonsense!
She: That's what I.....

Mother: "Hush! You two children are always quarrelling. Why can't you.....

"The doctor has ordered her to the seashore. Now they're having a cons.....

"Lay down, pup. Lay down. That's a good doggie. Lay down, I tell you.".....

First Stenog. (reading): "Think of those Spaniards going 3,000 miles o.....

Pompous Publisher (to aspiring novice in literature): I have been read.....

A customer entered the small-town barber shop. "How soon can you cut m.....

Old Job: "The best way to get the most out of life is to fall in love.....

Proprietor: "What made that customer walk out? Did you offend him?"

Mrs. de Vere: "I suppose now that you have been abroad, you have your.....

"I'm not quite sure about your washing-machine. Will you demonstrate i.....

Weary Willie slouched into the pawnshop. "How much will you give me fo.....

A bumptious young American farmer went to England to learn his[Pg 308].....

Said the guest, upon approaching his host's home in the suburb, "Ah, t.....

A Southern family had a coal-black cook named Sarah, and when her husb.....

First Little Girl: What's your last name, Annie?
Second Little Girl.....

"Why did you take Meyerbeer off the dinner card?"
"People kept thin.....

The best man noticed that one of the wedding guests, a gloomy-looking.....

The shaded lights, music in the distance, sweet perfumes from the cost.....

The boy who had "made good" in town asked his old mother to come to Lo.....

Elder sister: "Oh, you fancy yourself very wise, I dare say; but I cou.....

Lawyer: "When I was a boy my highest ambition was to be a pirate."
.....

The swain and his swainess had just encountered a bulldog that looked.....

A tourist was chatting with the proprietor of the village inn.
"Thi.....

Neighbour: "I hear that you had an actor employed on your farm."
Fa.....

Just before the service the clergyman was called into the vestibule [P.....

Mistress: "Don't call them jugs, Mary; they're ewers."
Maid: "Oh, t.....

Husband: "What was that you were playing, my dear?"
Wife: "Did you.....

Sandy had gone to the station to see his cousin off.
"Mac," he said.....

Everything that could be done to make the great unemployed meeting a s.....

Chloe: I sho' mighter knowed I gwine have bad luck if I do dat washin'.....

An airman had been taking up passengers for short trips, and by the ti.....

Breathless Visitor: Doctor, can you help me? My name is Jones——
Doc.....

Pat was a simple country yokel who had never strayed from the outskirt.....

Lily: "Harold proposed to me last night while turning the music for me.....

She: "And what would you be now if it weren't for my money?"
He: "A.....

It was a case of attempted murder, in which the prisoner was accused o.....

"What's this new conference they're going to have in America?"
"Oh,.....

Real Estate Agent: "This tobacco plantation is a bargain. I don't see.....

"The chief objection we have to the man who 'knows it all,'" remarked.....

Little Willie looked up from the paper he had been reading, and inquir.....

Mother: "What! Have you been fighting again, Johnnie? Good little boys.....

"Well, Alice," said a Southern woman to a coloured girl formerly in he.....

"The man that argues with a woman is a fool," said Mr. Gadspur.
"I.....

Blinks, after inviting his friend, Jinks, who has just returned from a.....

Village Idiot: Beg pardon, mam, seeing you're painting the church, I t.....

Lady (to box office manager): Can you tell me what they are playing to.....

Officer (to sailor who has rescued him from drowning): Thank you, Smit.....

A woman who had visited every department of one of the big London shop.....

An old Scotchwoman, who had resisted all entreaties of her friends to.....

The son of the family was home on his first vacation since he had atta.....

Mother: It is rude to whisper, Humphrey.
Humphrey (aged five): Well.....

Lady (to pedlar):
"No, thank you, we never buy anything at the door.....

The motor car was driven by a determined young woman, who had knocked.....

Micky Bryan and Patsy Kelly had been schoolmates together, but they ha.....

The Wife: "Oh, you needn't sneer! I mean every word I say."
"I'm no.....

"That gentleman who is being introduced to Miss Binks is a free thinke.....

Penelope: "What made George and Alice break their engagement?"
Clar.....

Waitress: "He ain't no good, Lil—he's one of these fellers wot chooses.....

Lady (who has purchased a ready-made dress): "Tiresome this dress is......

The Stage Manager: "Now then, we're all ready, run up the curtain."

Wife (referring to guest): "He's a most attractive man; is he married?.....

Young Husband: "It seems to me, my dear, that there is something wrong.....

The schoolmaster was explaining what to do in case of fire. The pupils.....

"What's the matter, little boy?" said the kindhearted man. "Are you lo.....

Wife: "My dear, we've simply got to change our family doctor. He's so.....

"I say, dear old bean, will you lend me your motor-bike?"
"Of cours.....

Governess: "Well, Mollie, what are little girls made of?"
Mollie: ".....

Mollie (who has been naughty and condemned to "no toast"): "Oh, Mummy!.....

First Flapper: "The cheek of that conductor! He glared at me as if I h.....

Wife: "Two bottles of ginger ale, dear?"
He: "Why, yes. Have you fo.....

Motor-Launch Officer (who has rung for full-speed without result): "Wh.....

Wife (at upper window): "Where you bin this hour of the night?"
"I'.....

She: "No! I can't give you another dance. But I'll introduce you to th.....

Mrs. Montague Smart (suddenly, to bashful youth, who has not opened hi.....

Jones (who is of an inquiring mind): "Ain't you getting tired of heari.....

He: "By the bye, talking of old times, do you remember that occasion w.....

She: "I am sorry to hear that they have separated. Is there no chance.....

Effie: "George and I have been down-stairs in the dining-room, Mr. Mit.....

The Ant: "Well, we've struck!"
The Gnat: "What for?"
The Ant: "L.....

"Jacky, dear, your hands are frightfully dirty."
"Not 'frightfully,.....

The Wife: "Really, my dear, you are awfully extravagant. Our neighbor,.....

First Burglar: "Say, Bill, de doctor what fixed de leg I broke doin' d.....

The Tabby-Cat: "I am just heart-broken! I had six of the loveliest kit.....

She: "Oh! there's no use of my giving you any hope, because I cannot b.....

"Papa, the Earl wants me to send him a photograph to show to his paren.....

Prospective Bride: "I am glad I decided to be married in a traveling d.....

First Lady (effusively): "I am more than charmed to see you, my dear M.....

Madge: "Have you given Jack your final answer yet?"
Mabel: "Not yet.....

Flora: "I'm writing to tell Jack that I didn't mean what I said in my.....

Cholly Lyttlebrayne: "Yes, the doctors saved my life, but it cost me o.....

Miss Bizzy: "I am glad to hear that you are married, O'Brien, and hope.....

"What is the use of quarreling, my dear girl? Let us forgive and forge.....

Mrs. Bizzy: "I am so sorry to hear that your wife has been throwing th.....

"Afraid you're going to have insomnia? What are the symptoms?"
"Twi.....

"I want to buy you something useful for your birthday. What can you su.....

Elsie: "Mummy! if I wuz a fairy I'd change every-fing into cake, an' e.....

She: "I never saw a married couple who got on so well together as Mr......

"I really believe he married her only because he wanted a good houseke.....

"Why are they not speaking?"
"They quarreled about which loved the.....

Mrs. Storme: "How is your Debating Society getting along?"
Mrs. Kar.....

"The way those people flaunt their money fairly makes me ill."
"Sou.....

She: "They say that he fairly worships the ground she walks on."
He.....

He: "I understand that she fairly threw herself at him."
She: "Yes!.....

Old Gentleman: "Well, children! and what are you learning at school?"<.....

Flora: "I think that Maud has been awfully mean to you. If I were you.....

"I sincerely regret our misunderstanding, Florence, and am quite ready.....

Freddie (aged six): "Mother, you know that lovely purse you gave me fo.....

"He's a nice little horse (I saw him myself) and the dealer says I may.....

"What a lot of suffering these ambulance surgeons must witness."
"Y.....

"Phwat's the matter wid yez, Regan? Yez look hurted."
"Faith! Lasht.....

"Yes, dear, I'm going out to-night. I've been asked to take supper wit.....

"Have you heard anything about the woman's Reform Club?"
"Yes, its.....

He: "Crowded, were you? I thought you went early to avoid the rush."

The Summer Girl: "It pains me to be compelled to say so, but I really.....

Betty: "Mummy, does God send us our food?"
Mother: "Yes, dear; of c.....

Customer to Palmist: "Five dollars fee? Er—would you have any objectio.....

"And are you a good needlewoman and renovator, and willing to be usefu.....

He: "There is nothing like experience after all. She is our greatest t.....

The Man of Theory: "The great secret of happiness lies in being conten.....

"This theory about fish being brain food is all nonsense."
"Why do.....

The Reporter: "I beg pardon, but would you be kind enough to tell me w.....

The Wife: "I have not been able to wear my new hat yet on account of t.....

Chimmie: "Dat's McCorker de heavy-weight—me cousin used ter go ter sch.....

The Leading Woman: "How does Garrette rank as an actor?"
The Comedi.....

Mr. Househunter: "I don't care for those flats we looked at to-day. Th.....

Hostess (to small guest, who is casting lingering glances at the cakes.....

Young Husband: "I see that sugar has gone down two points."
Young W.....

"They say that she was his stenographer before marriage."
"She has.....

Lady (to prospective daily housemaid): "The hours will be from nine to.....

Miss Hen: "I demand an explanation! You told me that your name was pla.....

He: "My train goes in fifteen minutes. Can you not give me one ray of.....

The Mistress: "Oh, Jane, if I had known who sent those flowers I would.....

Mrs. Bargain: "Oh, Ethel! I have just talked Edward into giving me the.....

"Well, what are you sneering about? You don't seem to have much faith.....

She: "I'm so glad we're engaged."
He: "But you knew all the time th.....

"She is one of the most remarkable women I ever met."
"In what way?.....

"What! You don't mean to tell me they are engaged! Why! They never met.....

She: "Oh! Jack! Are you perfectly certain that you love me?"
He: "M.....

"I'm so glad to see you. And how did you enjoy your visit to the South.....

First Voter: "So Mr. Jones has been elected. You voted for him, of cou.....

She: "The Burrowes are having their wooden wedding next week. What can.....

The Child: "Mother! Did you buy a ticket for me?"
The Mother: "No,.....

"Oh! Are you really a mind-reader?"
"Yes! I am."
"Then I hope yo.....

Pupil: "What I want to know is, am I a bass or a baritone?"
Teacher.....

"You know you should love your neighbor as yourself."
"But the trou.....

"I shall never find anyone else like you. You see, you're so different.....

She: "I'm surprised at Jane's staying out in the boat all this time wi.....

Elsie: "When is my birthday, Mother?"
Her Mother: "On the thirty-fi.....

George: "Why don't Jack and Laura make up?"
Kate: "'Sh! They'd like.....

Poetic Bridegroom: "I could sit here forever, gazing into your eyes, a.....

"His versatility is something extraordinary."
"I had an idea he was.....

Urchin (contemptuously): "Huh! Yer mother takes in washin'!"
Neighb.....

"It's funny that you should be so tall. Your brother, the artist, is s.....

Mother (to little girl who had been sent to the hen-house for eggs): ".....

The Count: "I weesh to marry your daughtaire, saire! I am vorth one hu.....

"Well! we've missed that confounded train. What time will the next one.....

"Do you miss your husband as much as when he first went away?"
"No,.....

Mrs. Lynks: "Jack, I have made up my mind to fine you ten cents every.....

Julia: "Fanny married a very wealthy man, you know. She tells me she h.....

"Mamma!"
"What is it, dear?"
"It seems to me that a 'silly quest.....

Wife: "I'm afraid you'll think me rather extravagant, dear, but I spen.....

He (dejectedly): "I'm sure I don't see why our parents won't give thei.....

Eloping Bride: "Oh, Jack! I can't help wondering what father will say.....

He: "But if you will allow me to——"
She: "Oh! I know what you are g.....

"Who was the originator of the idea that a husband and wife are one?"<.....

She: "Well! Let us change the subject. I've done nothing but talk abou.....

George: "I proposed to that girl and would have married her if it hadn.....

Vicar's Wife: "What are you children doing in daddy's study?"
Ethel.....

Fond Mamma: "I sometimes think, Percy, you don't treat your dear fathe.....

Mother: "Augustus, you naughty boy, you've been smoking. Do you feel v.....

Mistress: "Oh, cook, be sure and put plenty of nuts in the cake."
C.....

Minister's Wife: "My husband was asking only this morning why you were.....

Office Boy (anxious to go to football match): "May I have the afternoo.....

Small Girl: "To-day's my mummy's wedding-day."
Smaller Girl (with a.....

Mrs. Profiteer: "Is this a pedigree dog?"
Dealer: "Pedigree? I shou.....

Artist (condescendingly): "I did this last summer. It really isn't muc.....

Father: "Look here, Billy, Mr. Smith called at the office this morning.....

Joan (whose mother has just bought her a pair of woolen gloves): "Oh,.....

"I say—come and dance. This is a toppin' fox-trot they're playin'."

Little Girl (to Bride at wedding reception): "You don't look nearly as.....

Genial Uncle: "Well, old chap, we've not done anything together for a.....

Optimist: "Cheer up, old man. Things aren't as bad as they seem."
P.....

Parent: "I should like you to have 'good' in your report, and not alwa.....

Old Lady (interrogating her chauffeur's small boy): "Well, my little m.....

"Please, Mr. Grafto, the gentleman on the next floor presents his comp.....

"Well, Mollie, how do you like your new teacher?"
"I half like her,.....

Artist (in desperation): "That, Sir, I consider the finest in my exhib.....

Master: "But why do you want to get married, Jones?"
Butler: "Well,.....

Lady: "If you please, Cook, may we have steak and onions for lunch to-.....

Employer (inspecting a very inflated bill for work): "Look here—how di.....

Lady: "I've just been making my side ache over your latest book."
A.....

Wife (habitué of the Ring, gazing after stranger who has knocked her h.....

Small Boy (toying with dull blanc-mange): "Please may I have an ice in.....

Small Boy (walking round links with his father): "Daddy, here's a ball.....

"I hear you've taken up golf. What do you go round in?"
"Well, usua.....

"George, will you go and speak to cook? I bought some tripe for dinner.....

Mother: "Well, dear, has Jack kissed you under the mistletoe?"
Mary.....

Lady: "And why did your last mistress——"
Applicant (loftily): "Excu.....

Small Invalid (to visitor): "I've had a lot of diseases in my time—mea.....

The Woman: "Jazz stockings are the latest thing, dear. Here's a pictur.....

Mrs. Green to Mrs. Jones (who is gazing at an aeroplane): "My word! I.....

Belated Traveller (surprised by a bull when taking a short cut to the.....

Master: "But, Jenkins, the name of the complaint is not pewmonia. Sure.....

Raw Hand (at sea for first time and observing steamer's red and green.....

Mistress: "I hope you're doing what you can to economise the food."

Father: "Don't know the French for cat, and you had a French nurse for.....

During the agitation in behalf of woman's suffrage, an ardent advocate.....

The little girl reported at home what she had learned at Sunday School.....

A cynic, considering the fact that women was the last thing made by Go.....

The old sea captain was surrounded at the tea party, to which his wife.....

A young skeptic in the congregation once interrupted Billy Sunday with.....

During the parade at the last encampment of the G.A.R., a woman in the.....

A widow visited a spiritualistic medium, who satisfactorily produced t.....

One of the ladies assembled at the club was describing the wedding she.....

An elderly man was on his way home by train from a session of three at.....

At the time when petroleum began to be used instead of whale oil for b.....

The old colored attendant at the court house had a formula for address.....

"How do countries come to go to war?" the little boy inquired, looking.....

A report has come from Mexico concerning the doings of three revolutio.....

That celebrated statue, the Winged Victory, has suffered during the ce.....

The fair penitent explained to the confessor how greatly she was griev.....

An American girl who married a Bavarian baron enjoyed playing Lady Bou.....

The poet, in a fine frenzy, dashed off a line that was really superb:.....

The woman lecturing on dress reform was greatly shocked when she read.....

The little girl evidently appreciated the fact that all men and women.....

When the domestic event was due, the prospective father, being ordered.....

The colored man was before the court, accused of horse-stealing. The p.....

An old negro, who had almost attained the century mark, nearly blind,.....

The Italian workman in the West was warned to look out for rattlesnake.....

An old lady in the London parish of the famous Doctor Gill made a nuis.....

The little girl who had observed certain details in the toilette prepa.....

The native pointed with pride to two doddering ancients hobbling painf.....

The prize bull-dog attacked a farmer, who defended himself with a pitc.....

The ardent lover heard the clock strike the hours—first nine, then ten.....

The thrifty housewife regarded her dying husband with stern disapprova.....

A Scotchman was questioned by a friend: "Mac, I hear ye have fallen i.....

The mother, who was a believer in strict discipline, sternly addressed.....

In one of the most desolate areas of Montana, a claim was taken by a m.....

The grateful woman on the farm in Arkansas wrote to the vendors of the.....

Paul Smith, the famous hotel-keeper in the Adirondacks, told of a law.....

The master of the house returned from business somewhat early. He did.....

When the bishop was entertained at an English country house, the butle.....

"Please tell me, James," directed the young lady teacher, "where shing.....

The kind lady stopped to tell the sobbing little girl not to cry, and.....

The master of the house was hungry at breakfast, and swallowed a good.....

A noted humorist once spent a few weeks with a tribe of western Indian.....

The victim of the Klu Klux Klan plucked some feathers from his neck wi.....

Many a man who has suffered from tongue-lashings at home will be moved.....

The senator from Utah was able to disarm by flattery the resentment of.....

A tramp devised a new scheme for working on the sympathy of the housew.....

The eminent politicians of opposing parties met on a train, and during.....

The passionate lover wrote to his inamorata as follows: "Adored of my.....

The superstitious sporting editor of the paper condemned the "Horse Fa.....

It is told of Mrs. Gladstone that a number of ladies in her drawing-ro.....

The Sunday-school teacher examined his new class.
"Who made the wor.....

The young lady worker for the Sunday school called on the newly wedded.....

Two old friends met, and immediately found that they were equally devo.....

On the occasion of a most interesting family event, Mr. Peedle, who de.....

The teacher talked on the four seasons, telling how in the spring the.....

In the party out after reed birds was a tyro at the sport. When at las.....

The faithful old employee asked for a day off. The request was granted.....

The old colored mammy took advantage of a wedding announcement to ques.....

The clerk of the court directed the witness to spell his name. The man.....

Some time before Mr. Taft became President of the United States, he to.....

The young lady interested in botany inquired of the gentleman who had.....

In the business college, the instructor addressed the new class concer.....

Back in those days when corporal punishment was permitted to teachers,.....

The philanthropic hostess entertained a party of children from the slu.....

The somewhat unpleasant person, who was a social worker, completed her.....

An argument arose among a number of British officers during their time.....

A traveler in the South chatted with an aged negro, whom he met in the.....

The business man's wife, who had called at his office, regarded the pr.....

The new member of the club listened with solemn interest to the variou.....

The shiftless man, who preferred reading to labor, closed the book on.....

The little girl was deeply impressed by the clergyman's sermon as sepa.....

Cousin Willie, aged ten, came for a visit to Johnnie, aged twelve. Joh.....

The aged colored clergyman, who made up in enthusiasm what he lacked i.....

The old lady was very aristocratic, but somewhat prim and precise. Nev.....

A Scotch Presbyterian clergyman tells the story of a parishioner who f.....

Once upon a time a coach was held up by a road-agent. The driver to th.....

The moralizing gentleman at the club remarked ponderously: "If there.....

The wife of the seasick passenger was about to leave the stateroom for.....

The seasick voyager on the ocean bowed humbly over the rail and made l.....

The pair on their honeymoon were crossing the Channel, and the movemen.....

On the first morning of the voyage, the vessel ran into a nasty choppy.....

The man about to take a train was worried by the station clocks. There.....

Cooks' tourists travel exactly according to schedule. The following co.....

A servant, who indulged in sprees during which he spent all his money,.....

The ponderous judge interrupted the eloquent lawyer harshly: "All you.....

The noted story-teller at a dinner party related an anecdote, and was.....

It is a matter of uncommon knowledge that personal perfection is a mos.....

The woman hesitated over buying the silver service.
"Of course," sh.....

A G. A. R. veteran told to some members of the American Legion the sto.....

The disgruntled fisherman at the club lifted his voice and complained.....

Amos Perkins was hired in the spring to shoot muskrats, which were ove.....

"Come over here!" called a friend to an intoxicated citizen whom he sa.....

Noah Webster, the maker of the dictionary, carried his exact knowledge.....

The teacher directed the class to compose fiction narrative. The most.....

A very tidy young man was distressed by his wife's carelessness in att.....

At a reception given by the Daughters of the Revolution in New York ci.....

The physician, afer an examination, addressed the wife of the sick man.....

The little girl had been naughty in school. By way of punishment, she.....

"When the Devil was sick, the Devil a monk would be: When the Devil wa.....

The Southern lady saw old 'Rastus setting out with his fishing tackle.....

Abe Jones was a colored man who made a living by chicken-stealing. He.....

The office telephone was out of order. An employee of the company was.....

A railroad was opened through a remote region, and on the first run ov.....

It was a rule of the club that anyone asking a question which he himse.....

The applicant for the position of cook explained to the lady why she h.....

The humorist offered his latest invention in the way of a puzzle to th.....

When Mr. Choate was ambassador to the Court of St. James, he was prese.....

A member of the Lambs' Club had a reputation for lack of hospitality i.....

"What is your name?" demanded the judge of the prisoner in the Municip.....

The little lad sat on the curb howling lustily. A passer-by halted to.....

The little boy dashed wildly around the corner, and collided with the.....

The school teacher, after writing to the mother of a refractory pupil,.....

The young man, who was notorious for the reckless driving of his car,.....

Sandy MacTavish was a guest at a christening party in the home of a fe.....

The indignant householder held up before the policeman the dead cat th.....

Shopper:—"Are these eggs fresh?"
Apprentice:—"Yes, ma'am, they be.".....

The parson's daughter spoke pleasantly, but with a hint of rebuke, to.....

The woman teacher in a New York School was interested in the announcem.....

The wife complained to her husband that the chauffeur was very drunk i.....

The objector to prohibition spoke bitterly: "Water has killed more fo.....

The physician advised his patient to eat a hearty dinner at night, wit.....

The kindly clergyman, newly come to the parish, was at great pains to.....

The cottager was crippled by rheumatism, and the kindly clergyman taug.....

Customer: "But if it costs twenty dollars to make these watches, and y.....

"Are you sure this handbag is genuine crocodile skin?" the woman asked.....

The advertisement offered for fifty cents a recipe by which to whiten.....

The wife of the profiteer discoursed largely on the luxuries of the ne.....

The deacon carried a chain to the blacksmith to have a link welded. Wh.....

The longshoreman was indulging in a fit of temper, which he interprete.....

The Southern darky is usually willing enough, but painfully dilatory i.....

The tenderfoot in the mining town was watching a poker game for heavy.....

The society matron explained the necessity for immediate reform in con.....

A stranger rang the door-bell. Little eight-year-old Willie Jones open.....

Pride often has no better basis in fact than the self-congratulation o.....

The little boy was greatly elated when informed by his mother that the.....

The father entered the room where Clara, his daughter, was entertainin.....

The two scrub women met and chattered to this effect:
Mrs. Riley—Oc.....

The small boy was directed to soak his feet in salt water to toughen t.....

Ikey saw his friend Jakey in the smoking-car when he entered, and sat.....

The playwright rushed up to the critic at the club.
"I've had a ter.....

The lawyer for the defense, in the damage suit, asked the witness who.....

When the colored couple were being married by the clergyman, and the w.....

A colored deacon who was the leader in a congregation down South, wrot.....

As the boat was sinking, the skipper lifted his voice to ask: "Does a.....

A prayer showing a ghastly confusion of metaphors is on record as havi.....

A little boy was asked if he prayed when he attended church, and he an.....

The newspaper report of the special Sunday services contained the foll.....

At the request of his wife, the husband opened a can of peaches. When.....

Charles had attained the age of five when he attended a football game.....

A Scotch missionary in the Far East suffered ill fortune in his marria.....

The Dutchman still retained a strong accent, although he had been in t.....

One negro workman was overheard talking to another: "I'se yoh frien'......

It is human nature to take an interest in the affairs of others. The f.....

Someone asked a darky from Richmond who was visiting in the North as t.....

The little boy interrupted his father's reading of the paper with a pe.....

The man sitting in the street car addressed the woman standing before.....

The teacher used as an illustration of bad grammar, for correction by.....

On Johnnie's return from the birthday party, his mother expressed the.....

The little girl in the car was a pest. She crossed the aisle to devote.....

Tommy Atkins and a doughboy sat in a poker game together somewhere in.....

The kindly old lady chanced to be present at the feeding of the lions.....

A couple from Boston spent a winter in Augusta, Georgia. During the pe.....

The evil effects of decadent verse is unintentionally told in the foll.....

The plumber at many dollars a day could afford a little persiflage wit.....

"No, suh," the ancient negro asserted, with a melancholy shaking of hi.....

The new maid was talkative, and related some of her experiences in ser.....

The teacher explained to her young pupils some facts concerning variou.....

Little Willie questioned his grandmother with an appearance of great s.....

"I hear that Mrs. Brewster hasn't paid her servants any wages for a nu.....

The visitor remarked affably to the man of the house: "Your family is.....

The old man shook his head dolefully in response to an inquiry concern.....

The energetic New England woman addressed her hired girl in a discoura.....

The usual details in administration of the pension laws are not amusin.....

The father was telling at the table of a row between two men in which.....

The mourning widow caused a tender sentiment to be chiseled on the hea.....

The troops had been marching through a sea of mud for hours, when at l.....

There is no doubting the strong patriotism of the schoolboy who is[Pg.....

The Scotchman returned to his native town, Peebles, after a first visi.....

Burdette quotes as follows a year's statistics of parochial work, as c.....

Two friends from Ireland on a tour occupied the same bedchamber in a c.....

The amiable old lady was overheard talking to herself as she left the.....

Tiny Clara heard her mother say that a neighboring lady had a new baby.....

John B. Gough was fond of telling of a laird and his servant Sandy. Th.....

The optimist fell from the top story of a skyscraper. As he passed the.....

The day laborer was of a cheerful disposition that naturally inclined.....

The sergeant rebuked the private angrily: "Jenkins, why haven't you s.....

The great pugilist was superstitious and fond of lobster. When the wai.....

The old mountaineer and his wife arrived at a railway station, and for.....

The aged caretaker of the Episcopal church confided to a crony that he.....

A story is told of an office-seeker in Washington who asserted to an i.....

One of the two girls in the subway was glancing at a newspaper.
"I.....

The lady who had some culture, but not too much, was describing the ad.....

On an occasion when a distinguished critic was to deliver a lecture po.....

When his daughter returned from the girls' college, the farmer regarde.....

The young son of a mountaineer family in North Carolina had visited fo.....

"And you say you have the same nightmare every night," the doctor inqu.....

The older sister rebuked the younger when putting her to bed for being.....

It was a late hour when the hostess at the reception requested the emi.....

The Japanese are remarkably tidy in the matter of floors. They even re.....

The apoplectic and grumpy old gentleman in the crowded restaurant was.....

The boy violinist, played at a private musical, rendering a difficult.....

The young man, who was interested in natural history, was sitting on t.....

Artemas Ward said: "When I am sad, I sing, and then others are sad wi.....

Two men walking along Avenue A in New York City observed a dingy saloo.....

A visitor in the South complained bitterly concerning the plague of mo.....

The visitor from another state talked so much concerning the size and.....

The more-or-less-religious woman was deeply shocked when the new neigh.....

The son of the house addressed his mother wistfully.
"I'm going to.....

The wives of the savage chief questioned the wife of the missionary:.....

A well-known millionaire entertained Edward Everett Hale with other gu.....

The disreputable-looking panhandler picked out an elderly gentleman of.....

A British journalist, in an article on Sir Henry Irving for a London w.....

A babu, or native clerk, in India, who prided himself on his mastery o.....

A Texas lad, lacking a team of horses or oxen or mules for his ploughi.....

The editor of a country newspaper betook himself to a party at the a n.....

The new clergyman was coming to call, and the mother gave Emma some in.....

The child went with her mother on a visit in New Jersey. At bedtime, t.....

The assistant minister announced to the congregation that a special ba.....

The traveling salesman instructed the porter that he must leave the tr.....

The little man was perfectly harmless, but the lady sitting next to hi.....

The meek-looking gentleman arose hastily and offered his seat in the c.....

The raw Irishman was told by the farmer for whom he worked that the pu.....

It is related concerning a sofa, belonging to a man blessed (?) with s.....

The raw recruit was on sentry duty. He had a piece of pie, which he ha.....

Mrs. Rafferty stopped to address Mrs. Flannagan, who was standing at e.....

There were elaborate preparations in colored society for a certain wed.....

The New England widower was speaking to a friend confidentially a week.....

The negro, after obtaining a marriage license, returned a week later t.....

A lady received a visit from a former maid three months after the girl.....

The woman was six feet tall and broad and brawny in proportion. The ma.....

The very youthful son of a henpecked father was in a gloomy mood, rebe.....

The wife suggested to her husband that he should pay back to her the d.....

Deacon Gibbs explained why he had at last decided to move into town in.....

The mistress was annoyed by the repeated calls of a certain negro on h.....

The solemn ceremony of marriage was being performed for the blushing y.....

An African newspaper recently carried the following advertisement: Wa.....

Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener.
-------------
The.....

During the Saturday night revels in a frontier town, the scrawniest an.....

After treading rather heavily on her foot, the man in the street car m.....

The tenderfoot in the Western town asked for coffee and rolls at the l.....

It is told of Prince Herbert Bismarck that at a reception in the Royal.....

The unhappy man explained the cause of his wretchedness: "I've never.....

"I wish I could know how many men will be made wretched when I get mar.....

The tender young mother detected her baby boy in a deliberate lie. Wit.....

The juryman petitioned the court to be excused, declaring: "I owe a m.....

The retired colonel, who had seen forty years of active service, gave.....

The lunatic peered over the asylum wall, and saw a man fishing from th.....

The editor of the country paper went home to supper, smiling radiantly.....

The new reporter wrote his concluding paragraph concerning the murder.....

"How did you find your steak?" asked the waiter of a patron in the ver.....

The pessimist quoted from his own experience at poker in illustration.....

The little girl came in tears to her mother.
"God doesn't love me,".....

The philosopher calmly defined the exact difference between life and l.....

The two old Scotchmen played a round of seventeen holes without[Pgword.....

The mother came on her little son who was standing thoughtfully before.....

The visitor from the city stopped in at the general store of the villa.....

The kindergarten teacher questioned her tiny pupil: "Do you know, Jen.....

The woman was strong-minded, and she was religious, and she was also a.....

A certain famous preacher when preaching one Sunday in the summer time.....

The World War has incited veterans of the Civil War to new reminiscenc.....

"Did you give up anything during Lent?" one man asked another.
"Yes.....

"What did you do last night?"

"I went to a slight-of-hand perfo.....

Some physicians direct their patients to lie always on the right side,.....

There was a town jail, and there was a county jail. The fact was worth.....

The lawyer explained to the client his scale of prices: "I charge fiv.....

Josh Billings said: "Laff every time yu pheel tickled—and laff once i.....

Some Scottish deacons were famous, if not notorious, for the readiness.....

The tiny boy fell down and bumped his head. His Uncle Bill picked the.....

The subject of kissing was debated with much earnestness for a half ho.....

The old grouch snorted.
"Humph! He's already done more than enough.....

The bridegroom, who was in a horribly nervous condition, appealed to t.....

The Southern lady interrogated her colored cook, Matilda, concerning a.....

The urchin was highly excited, and well he might be when we consider h.....

The joke maker's association had a feast. They exploited their humorou.....

The profiteer, skimming over the advertisements in his morning paper,.....

During a lecture, Artemas Ward once startled the crowd of listeners by.....

The woman at the insurance office inquired as to the costs, amounts pa.....

Tom Corwin was remarkable for the size of his mouth. He claimed that h.....

The young wife greeted her husband tearfully on his return from the da.....

The man suffering from insomnia quite often makes a mistake in calling.....

The curiosity of the passenger was excited by the fact that his seatma.....

In the smoking car, one of the passengers had an empty coatsleeve. The.....

The very young clergyman made his first parochial call. He tried to ad.....

A little girl four years old was alone in the nursery with the door cl.....

The child sat by the road bawling loudly. A passer-by asked him what w.....

The sweet little girl had a violent tussle with her particular chum. H.....

In a London theatre, a tragedy was being played. The aged king tottere.....

A lawyer made his way to the edge of the excavation where a gang was w.....

The bashful suitor finally nerved himself to the supreme effort: "Er—.....

The ice on the river was in perfect condition. A small boy, with his s.....

An acquaintance encountered in the village inquired of Farmer Jones co.....

Pat was set to work with the circular saw during his first day at the.....

The old man told how his brother made a hazardous descent into a well.....

The foreigner, who prided himself on his mastery of colloquial express.....

The paying teller told mournfully of his experience with a strange wom.....

An amateur sportsman spent the day with dog and gun, but brought home.....

"That woman never turns away a hungry man."
"Ah, genuinely charitab.....

The slow suitor asked: "Elizabeth, would you like to have a puppy?"

The little boy had been warned repeatedly against playing on the lawn.....

Two boys once thought to play a trick on Charles Darwin. They took the.....

The good wife apologized to her unexpected guests for serving the appl.....

Little Mary, who had fallen ill, begged for a kitten. It was found tha.....

A certain man notorious for his slowness paid attention for two years.....

The newly married pair were stopping in a hotel. The bride left the[Pg.....

One of our volunteers in the late war lost some of his first enthusias.....

The farmer, after seven years of effort on the stony farm, announced t.....

The professor and his wife were doubtful about returning to the farm o.....

Down in Virginia, near Yorktown, lived an aged negro whose proud boast.....

The faculty were arranging the order of examinations. It was agreed th.....

A rustic visitor to the city made a desperate run for the ferry boat a.....

Mike, the hod-carrier, was still somewhat fuddled when he arose Monday.....

Two men were talking together in the Public Library. One of them said:.....

The woman, who had a turn-up nose and was somewhat self-conscious conc.....

Little Alice questioned her mother concerning heaven, and seemed pleas.....

This is the dialogue between a little girl and a little boy: "What ar.....

The customer asked for fresh eggs, and the clerk in the London shop sa.....

Many a mayor is a friend to the people—just like his honor in the foll.....

A savage old boar got into a garden, and was doing much damage. When t.....

The farmer found his new hired man very unsatisfactory. A neighbor who.....

The clergyman in the following story probably did not mean exactly wha.....

The convicted feudist was working for a pardon. It was reported to him.....

The colored man was condemned to be hanged, and was awaiting the time.....

The rather ferocious-appearing husband who had taken his wife to the b.....

The school girl from Avenue A, who had just learned that the notorious.....

It is a matter of common knowledge that there have been troublous time.....

It was the bridegroom's third matrimonial undertaking, and the bride's.....

The old woman in indigent circumstances was explaining to a visitor, w.....

At the wake, the bereaved husband displayed all the evidences of frant.....

An eminent doctor successfully attended a sick child. A few days later.....

The auctioneer, offering the pasture lot for sale, waved his hand enth.....

The witness, in answer to the lawyer's question, said: "Them hain't t.....

The teacher asked the little girl if she was going to the Maypole danc.....

The passing lady mistakenly supposed that the woman shouting from a wi.....

The new clergyman in the country parish, during his visit to an old la.....

The son and heir had just been confirmed. At the dinner table, followi.....

The eminent English Statesman Arbuthnot-Joyce plays golf so badly that.....

The clergyman was calling, when the youthful son and heir approached h.....

The little boy was found by his mother with pencil and paper, making a.....

There was a haunted house down South which was carefully avoided by al.....

The airman, after many hours of thick weather, had lost his bearings c.....

There has been much controversy for years as to the proper definition.....

It is quite possible to trap clergymen, as well as laymen, with the fo.....

The traveler in the Blue Ridge Mountains made his toilet as best he co.....

An American tourist in France found that he had a two hours' wait for.....

The clergyman on his vacation wrote a long letter concerning his trave.....

The kindly lady accosted the little boy on the beach, who stood with d.....

The hired man on a New England farm went on his first trip to the city.....

A worker in the steel mills applied direct to Mr. Carnegie for a holid.....

The traveler wrote an indignant letter to the officials of the railroa.....

The clergyman drew near to the baptismal font, and directed that the c.....

Two men met on the city street in the evening, and had a number of dri.....

The foreman of a Southern mill, who was much troubled by the shiftless.....

The master directed that the picture should be hung on the east wall;.....

The highly efficient housewife bragged that she always rose early, and.....

The young mother asked the man who supplied her with milk if he kept a.....

The Arctic explorer at a reception on his return gave an informal talk.....

A wise old Quaker woman once said that men were guilty of three most a.....

The old gentleman was lost in a London fog, so thick that he could har.....

Gilbert wrote a couplet concerning—
"An attachment à la Plato For.....

The breakfaster in the cheap restaurant tried to make conversation wit.....

The gentleman at the party, who was old enough to know better, turned.....

The debutante was alarmed over the prospect of being taken in to dinne.....

Y An eminent statesman was being driven rapidly by his chauffeur, whe.....

The congressman from California was telling at dinner in the hotel of.....

"My pa, he's a financier," boasted one small boy to another.
"'Tain.....

The eminent banker explained just how he started in business: "I had.....

The successful financier snorted contemptuously.
"Money! pooh! ther.....

A very black little girl made her way into the presence of the lady of.....

The boy hurried home to his father with an announcement: "Me and Joe.....

At the village store, the young farmer complained bitterly.
"Old Si.....

"The naked hills lie wanton to the breeze, "The fields are nude, the g.....

After years of endeavor in poverty, the inventor made a success, and c.....

The burly man spoke lucidly to his gangling adversary: "You're a ninc.....

A rich and listless lady patron examined the handbags in a leading jew.....

On her return home after an absence of a few hours, the mother was dis.....

There was a chicken-stealing case before the court. The colored culpri.....

The baby pulled brother's hair until he yelled from the pain of it. Th.....

The woman wrote a reference for her discharged cook as follows: "Magg.....

An Irishman on a scaffolding four stories high heard the noon whistle......

One of the New York churches is notorious for its exclusiveness. A col.....

"Shall I leave the hall light burning, ma'am?" the servant asked.
".....

The smug satisfaction of the rustic in his clear perception and shrewd.....

The prisoner, a darky, explained how it came about that he had been ar.....

In an Irish cemetery stands a handsome monument with an inscription wh.....

The darky's clothes were in the last stages of dilapidation, and he wo.....

Some months after the elopement, an old friend met the bridegroom, and.....

A circus man was scouring the countryside in search of an elephant tha.....

The pessimist spoke mournfully to his friend: "It is only to me that.....

The farmer decided to give special attention to the development of his.....

An engineer, who was engaged on railroad construction in Central Ameri.....

The undertaker regarded the deceased in the coffin with severe disappr.....

In these days of difficulty in securing domestic servants, mistresses.....

Wife:—"Women are not extravagant. A woman can dress smartly on a sum t.....

One Japanese bragged to another that he made a fan last twenty years b.....

The Southerner in the North, while somewhat mellow, discoursed eloquen.....

The traveler was indignant at the slow speed of the train. He appealed.....

The police physician was called to examine an unconscious prisoner, wh.....

The Irish gentleman encountered the lady who had been ill, and made ga.....

When the Kentucky colonel was in the North, some one asked him if the.....

In the days before prohibition, a bibulous person issued from a saloon.....

Mrs. Smith addressed her neighbor, whose husband was notoriously bruta.....

The old farmer was driving home from town, after having imbibed rather.....

The owner of a hunting lodge in Scotland presented his gamekeeper with.....

A mouse chanced on a pool of whiskey that was the result of a raid by.....

A farmer, who indulged in sprees, was observed in his Sunday clothes t.....

The old toper was asked if he had ever met a certain gentleman, also n.....

Two Southern gentlemen, who were of very convivial habits, chanced to.....

The proprietor of the general store at the cross-roads had his place o.....

The highly inebriated individual halted before a solitary tree, and re.....

The very convivial gentleman left his club happy, but somewhat dazed......

It was nine o'clock in the morning, but this particular passenger on t.....

The son of the house had been reading of an escaped lunatic.
"How d.....

"Oh, have you heard? Mrs. Blaunt died to-day while trying on a new dre.....

The group of dwellers at the seaside was discussing the subject of dre.....

The new play was a failure. After the first act, many left the theatre.....

Ability to look on two sides of a question is usually a virtue, but it.....

Small Jimmie discussed with his chief crony the minister's sermon whic.....

The good wife, after she and her husband had retired for the night, di.....

The newly married pair quarreled seriously, so that the wife in a pass.....

After a trip abroad, a lady inquired of her colored washerwoman: "Luc.....

Some persons are born to have honor thrust upon them, and such is obvi.....

The meditative Hollander delivered a monologue to his dog: "You vas o.....

The young clergyman during a parochial call noticed that the little da.....

During the siege of Paris in the Franco-German war, when everybody was.....

The fox terrier regarded with curious interest the knot tied in the ta.....

Many a great man has been given credit as originator of this cynical s.....

The tramp was sitting with his back to a hedge by the wayside, munchin.....

During the worst of the spy-scare period in London a man was brought i.....

In a former generation, when elaborate doctrines were deemed more impo.....

The physician turned from the telephone to his wife: "I must hurry to.....

The instructor in the Medical College exhibited a diagram.
"The sub.....

The Chinaman expressed his gratitude to that mighty physician Sing Lee.....

A member of the faculty in a London medical college was appointed an h.....

A well-to-do colored man suffered a serious illness, and showed no sig.....

A victim of chronic bronchitis called on a well-known physician to be.....