More Workplace Definitions (articles) Assmosis:
The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss.

Blamestorming:
Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

Seagull Manager:
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits over everything and then leaves.

Salmon day:
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

Chainsaw consultant:
An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.

CLM:
Career Limiting Move - Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM. (Also known as CLB - Career Limiting Behavior)


Dilberted:
To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."

Flight Risk:
Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.

404:
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him . . . he's 404, man."

Percussive Maintenance:
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
A young executive is working late one evening. As he comes out of his office about 8 PM he sees the Big Boss standing by the shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand. "Do you know how to work this thing?" the older man asks. "My secretary's gone home and I don't know how to run it." "Yes, sir," says the young executive, who turns on the machine, takes the paper from the other man, and feeds it in. "Now," says his boss, "I just need the one copy